Cupid's Arrow: Secrets of Compatibility

 "The Abduction of Psyche"  1895 by William-Adolphe Bouguereau 

"The Abduction of Psyche"  1895 by William-Adolphe Bouguereau 

Almost every astrologer will confirm the topic they're consulted the most on is love. Always love.  The romantic in me is thrilled that people are curious about ideas beyond self-identification. But the excitement is interrupted when I realize the majority believe certain sign combinations are inherently good or bad, doomed or blessed. So I’m going to let you in on a little secret that I passionately lay claim to: 

Every single sign is compatible with every single sign. 


When I say compatible, I don’t mean that every pair’s dynamic is easy, breezy, beautiful CoverGirl (*Wink*). I look at compatibility as the energy between people that inspire - but not guarantees - the opportunity for the pair to learn how to love more deeply, authentically, and fearlessly. Now who among us learns anything, particularly love, the easy way? Exactly. Does that then make a seemingly "difficult" relationship inherently incompatible because it's not easy? Of course not. 

Surface level astrology gets it wrong but pitching a fast, fun, cheap and easy compatibility as the relationship mountaintop. I call bullshit. That thinking tries to convince us that certain pairs are inherently compatible because they require less labor; but they provide self-indulgence instead. A Course in Miracles (a self-studied curriculum of universal spiritual themes) teaches us that every relationship is an assignment. Every. Single. One. An assignment orchestrated by the Universe. So when Cupid's Arrow hits you, it's the Universe's way of getting your attention because it just orchestrated a meet cue, a relationship assignment, that's intended to create maximal soul-growth opportunity for all people involved.  A Course locates soul-growth through complete love given and received as the true mountaintop of relationships. Soul growth is messy. It's a painful process, perhaps with a prerequisite of heartbreak, anger, and betrayal...but that does not mean the relationship is incompatible. Or that the experience was in vain. Extreme cases notwithstanding, if the lesson required for soul growth is knowing when to leave the metaphorical room, to own your no, to let someone in, to extend forgiveness, how to return to someone, etc., then the relationship is still compatible. 

Composite and synastry astrological systems (the methods used to analyze two people’s birth charts) locate a wealth of specific vocabulary that contextualize how one person’s astrology uniquely correlates to another’s. Confirming that every combination is an assignment of sorts; so then every pair is “compatible”. Does that necessarily mean we will like each other, date, have sex, commit, text back, and/or get married? Fuck no. But it does call for a more elevated discussion on measuring compatibility beyond whether or not partners serve our needs as we define them. 

Most high-minded spiritual practitioners examine relationship success by their quality of lessons learned. Not by physical proximity, social frequency, or even the length of time the couple spent together. We know that two people can sleep in the same bed every night for decades while their hearts are thousands of miles away from each other. The opposite is also true. Hearts can be joined from opposite ends of the world. With proper compatibility, astrologers investigate the partnership's lesson. Rising to the occasion of learning the assignment required for soul growth. How their how hearts commune. How the partnership actualizes their personalized astrology to express nonviolent communication, intimacy, loyalty, sexuality, forgiveness, compassion, trust, compromise, non-judgement, and more.

We'd all be enlightened masters by now if everyone did exactly what we wanted, never pushed our buttons, or violated our comfort zones. But that's not what happens in relationships. Most have us the scars to prove it. Relationships don't immediately take the pain away. If anything, they salute the existential pain through a detox process inspiring new reflections on what caused the pain to begin with and solutions to fix it. If a partner is royally pissing me off, then I know we're compatible. He's doing his job. That's why the Universe guides us, after a hit from Cupid's Arrow, to certain people. Like, "Colin. Stop right where you are. Look behind you. Through the window of Organic Avenue on 17th Street. Meet him. He's going to help you heal your control issues, perfectionism, inaccessibility, and emotional withholding. Good luck." His soul in combination with mine provided a maximum learning opportunity. A hospital for the soul. But this maturation process took rigorous work and honesty. Sometimes I got it right, most times I got it wrong. If I listen to my ego mind, it'll demand I resist, reject, and run from the work of the assignment. Hello, cheap, fast, fun and easy compatibility! But according to A Course, the ego's proviso for love is - "seek...but do not find". 

The highest practice of astrology can help articulate this delicate compatibility process through specific language if we understand no one is inherently good or bad for each other. We're all in assignments to help heal one another through relationship lessons. And I think it's particularly important for Queer identified to recognize the glory in how we can write our own script now without hundreds of years of heteronormative relationship "values" to ascribe to. We can make our own rules when it comes to how we measure compatibility. So the next time you're consuming astrological material or engaged in a conversation on what sign is a "good match", remember - the zodiac is an awareness of our oneness. Every sign offers gifts and lessons to the other; no less or more important or special than the rest. Whether or not you show up for that lesson is entirely up to you. Past Life Expert Dr. Brian Weiss said in Miracles Happen that we don't choose when we meet our soulmates. We only choose what to do with them when they get here. I believe that. I can also guarantee that if you keep your heart open, your mind willing, your thoughts high, and your behavior tender when they get here - you will know that heaven is entered two by two and you'll walk the road to paradise together.